Looking Back
by Lela-of-Bast
Summary: A oneshot where Lord Wyldon summarizes his life from squiredom to the present. Children, angst, and fluff for the Stump! Please R and R!


_**AN:** This is a piece I wrote for a challenge over at the Dancing Dove. It was to write something about any character in first person. So I wrote a convincing journal entry from Lord Wyldon of Cavall. R&R_

**Looking Back**

January 16, 447  
My father, Lord Beckett of Cavall, once told me that it is therapeutic to put down your thoughts daily. Being a headstrong young man at the time, I didn't listen. I regret it now. There are things that I wish I could remember, such as what I ate for supper on the day that I was knighted, and what I wore on my wedding day.

I have my father's worn leather books on a shelf in my study. There they gather dust until I draw the courage to look into his life. He wrote every single day from the time he started his page training, until the day he died. There are pages and pages of history in those volumes, and I never realized it until I just read them.

So far, I've written these two paragraphs for my descendants. I'm convinced that my father was right, for even with these few words, my soul feels… unburdened. I must continue despite the fact that these words will be quite unflattering to myself.

I was a typical page, and an outstanding squire. My knight-master was an older knight, called Sir Maris of Veldine. He was fair and among the things I remember, he taught me to hit like a hammer in the joust. I also learned from Sir Maris to be a good judge of others, or so I thought.

During my second year as a squire, I … became involved with my wife, Vivenne, then of Macayhill. We met at her home fief, where my knight master liked to visit his married sister.

One thing that I remember perfectly was the first time I saw her. I had gone out in the woods, resolving to catch a brace of rabbit for my supper. I came upon Vivenne sitting in a clearing on an old smoothly cut stump. Her legs were tucked up under her skirts and she was cradling a large book, savoring the words as she read. When she heard me, her head snapped up. Her cinnamon curls framed her face as her blue eyes searched mine. Then it began to rain, and we sought refuge in a nearby cave, alone together all night.

I was three years Vivenne's senior, making her much too young to have the relationship that we did. But we reasoned age away behind the fact that we were smart about our foolishness; Vivenne always wore an anti-pregnancy charm.

I passed my Ordeal in the year 423. It seems like a lifetime ago.

Vivenne and I were married the following spring, and she conceived our first daughter, Gailan, shortly after the wedding. Two years later, there was a second daughter born to us. We called her Leila.

Two more years passed and Vivenne became pregnant once more. She was radiantly happy with all the children, but with this one in particular. I do admit that I was biased as well, for the babe was to have been a boy. Vivenne seemed perfectly fine, but her labor began nearly four months early, and our son was still born. Vivenne took ill, and it was nearly a year before she recovered physically. Emotionally, we both hide wounds even now, twenty-six years later.

Somehow, Vivenne and I made it through those dark days, and providence smiled on us again, blessing us with a third daughter whom we named Brangienne.

After that, my wife and I seemed to grow apart. It was as if we led separate lives for a time. Vivenne passed blissful days as the pretty young matron of Cavall, raising the children, while I was off on knightly adventures.

In 441, Duke Gareth of Naxen retired his position as training master to the pages. I was chosen as his replacement. I ran a tight ship, and turned out some of the finest knights the realm had seen in years.

A year after I took up residence in the palace, Vivenne brought the children to the Corus. She seemed to want to rekindle our marriage, and there was nothing in all the kingdoms that I wanted more. Shortly after, our youngest daughter, Margarry, was born.

I believe that she was looked at as our favorite, although I don't think parents should shower favoritism upon their children. To be fair to them, Gailan and Laila were both away at convent school, and Brangienne was ten years old and preparing to follow in their footsteps. In reality, Vivenne grew closer to Margarry because she had her all to herself. We both ceased measuring our lives in years, and began to measure in "when Margarrys."

For instance, when Margarry was seven, the biggest battles of the Immortals War were being fought. The Royal Nursery was attacked by hurroks. When I realized the danger that the younger princes and princesses were in, I barged into the nursery without thinking. Though I killed the hurroks, I took a nasty blow to the head, and my arm was nearly severed in two. I will bear the scars of my carelessness for the rest of my life.

When Margarry was eight, a girl came to train under me. Her name was Keladry of Mindelan. By that time, a law had passed that allowed Keladry the right to train, but being the pain in the arse that I was, I used my authority to force her into an unfair probation. Every time I thought that I'd learned Keladry's limits, she amazed me.

The same year, the youngest Queenscove lad, Nealan, became my pupil. He will make the list of very memorable pages, and that is probably not a complement to the sarcastic young man's family. If he'd just learn to hold his tongue, half of his punishment work would never have been assigned.

When Margarry was ten, she surprised me by informing me that she wished to be a lady knight, just like Keladry. I refused her that dream. No daughter of mine was going to be a lady knight.

The next year, I sent her to the convent. I had already made a very good match for her Sir Gareth the Younger's son was Margarry's age. Sir Gareth sent a man out to Cavall to set the marriage contract. As I greeted this man, Margarry came out of the stables, covered head to toe in mud splatters. She bumped into a servant who was carting pig slop to their pen, and she was soon wearing this. The messenger left that evening.

So summarizes my history to date. That is a fairly decent account, though my father's journals would put this to shame.

Now it is 457. I have resigned my position as training master, and I'm here at Cavall to spend time with Vivenne and Margarry before I travel north. There has been trouble with the Scanran border. War may be coming.

I'm beginning to believe that I was wrong in refusing to let Margarry be a knight. Very wrong. Margarry has the courage and determination that it takes to be a true knight.

On a positive note, Brangienne's first babe is due in a few days. She has been staying with us here at home while her husband is tied up with business in Corus. Gavin of Sigis Hold is an advocate, a good one, and he loves my daughter very much.

It will feel good to get back out in the field after fifteen years of training boys. And Keladry. It seems that I won't forget her, either. She has talked me into taking one of her friends as squire. This particular lad could be the end of me.


End file.
